POEM + AUDIO: I LOOK BUT WHAT IS THERE TO SEE? (Studio session)

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

 

I Look But What Is There To See?

(Studio session)

 

look

ing for

you is like

standing

on the track

staring at the space

 

left

 

by a slow train

what done long

gone

 

around the bend

 

only

the whistle sound

faintly

in the air

 

and the ground’s

vibration

felt down

to your toes

 

nothing

 

more.

 

—kalamu ya salaam

------------------------------ 

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

 

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – reeds

Frank Bruckner – guitar

Roland HH Biswurm - drums

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany

 

POEM + AUDIO: GIVE ME YOUR COORDINATES

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

Give Me Your Coordinates

 

the rush of heaven felt in the flesh

the tingle of sparkling particles of your laughter

dancing on my eardrums, tearing through

grey matter, shredding rationality into a salad

of ebullient emotions, you caress my genitals

and i let go of every restraint, some people

think i write about sex too much but

this is life, we're exploring the world, the universe

 

i am old enough now not to worry about making it

secure enough to believe in myself, wise enough to know

the self is all others, both the gotten with & the avoided

 

i am about to go out to meet someone but first i had to write

creativity is the highest form of living, life ragingly extended

into whatever is possible, sometimes even approaching the impossible

like the way trane sang, or how i just sat down

& let these words tumble out of the vast nowhere

of my consciousness, nowhere

now

here

 

—kalamu ya salaam

 

------------------------------ 

 

Musical composition: "Jackie-ing" by Thelonious Monk

 

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – tenor

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany

 

 

POEM + AUDIO: MY EYES WIDE OPEN

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

 

my eyes wide open:

an open letter to my executioners

 

 

if you

catch me, so be it

 

my dark face knows

bush joys

i laugh at your square world

alternatives, everything you offer

smells like jail

 

my hair has been clipped

many, many times

but i continue to let it grow

choosing my beard over the edge

of your razor

 

track me with your dogs, spy

my toe prints on the mud

where i ran, where i danced

 

catch me if you can

and if you do

so be it

 

but before i'd dine on your

stolen feasts

i'll drink rain,

wash myself in the streams of life

and keep steppin'

keep steppin'

keep right on steppin' down the road

past my people's martyred bones

broken and stacked in irregular piles

by the wayside, past skulls

perched on poles, cruel totems

which i decline to heed

 

even if i have to go

totally nude to fight your dragons

you will not detour me

i will go

i will live while i'm alive

i refuse to die while i am alive

  refuse

 

i will even go to your white wall

place my firm handprint on the

  damp stucco darkened by body

  fluids siphoned from murdered comrades

reject the charity of your blindfold

wink as i stare down your bullets, and

greet sweet death with

my eyes wide open

 

catch me if you can

and if you do

so be it

 

—kalamu ya salaam

 

------------------------------ 

Musical composition: "Friday The 13th" by Thelonious Monk

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – tenor

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany


 

 

POEM + AUDIO: OFTEN WE TAKE TURNS ON TOP

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

 

Often We Take Turns On Top

     (a sonnet for my baby)

 

 

often we take turns on top

in our marriage no one is relegated to the bottom

each of us has a vehicle plus our own lives

to live & deep love we share with numerous others

 

i cook fresh food improvising without recipe

you like firm avocado, coconut cookies, yellow

grits slow simmered to a buttery thickness, after dinner

you clean the carpet while i do the dishes

 

with sagaciously selected colors, your careful eye has

subtly curated our space into a dwelling place divine

here a delicious quiet permeates the atmosphere

sometimes we talk, other times we listen

 

to music or revel in the silence of mutual contentment wherein

my heart is your sacred shelter & your smile my holiest shrine

 

—kalamu ya salaam

------------------------------

Musical composition: "Coming On The Hudson" by Thelonious Monk

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – tenor

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany

 

POEM + AUDIO: WHY I DON'T LEAVE THE APARTMENT UNTIL AFTER TEN SOME MORNINGS (STUDIO VERSION)

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

STUDIO VERSION

Why I Don't Leave The Apartment

Until After Ten Some Mornings 

 

i like to lay

in the curve

of your physique

 

you breathing

into the black

of my hair

 

the pressure

of thigh

to thigh

 

the beige softness

of your inner hand

slow moving

 

across

the tubular darkness

of my arousal

 

my

left arm reached

back massaging

 

the supple

flesh of your

lower back

 

for long minutes

quarter hours spent

with nothing

 

but skin

& pleasure

between us

 

—kalamu ya salaam

_____________________

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

 

 

Stephan Richter – clarinet

 

 

 

 

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

Roland HH Biswurm - drums

 

 

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany

SHORT STORY + AUDIO: CLIFFORD BROWN

photo by Alex Lear 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Musical composition: "I Remember Clifford" by Benny Golson

Short Story by Kalamu ya Salaam 

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – tenor

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany

_______________________

 

 

 

CLIFFORD BROWN 

(you get used to it)

 

they used to call me brownie—clifford brown. i don’t have a name now, at least none that any of you can translate. i guess you can call me the spirit of brownie, except that’s so limiting and in the spirit world there are no limits. can you understand be everywhere all the time at the same time? never mind. this is about to get too out for you to dig.

when the accident happened, i had nodded off. i mean the ’56 pennsylvania crackup, not the one in ’50 that had me hung up in the hospital for a year. dizzy came and visited me, encouraged me to resume my career when i was released. not that one. instead i mean the big one where i woke up dead.

max and newk, they were in the other car, which had gone on ahead. so when they heard we had died, well, maxwell really took it hard. i guess because he knew richie’s wife shouldn’t have been driving because richie had only recently taught her how to drive—recently like a matter of weeks.

but when max, who was six years my senior and had seven on richie, tried to intervene, richie sounded on him. you know how we young cats asserting our manhood can run guilt trips, “max. max. why you always treating me like bud’s baby brother? i play as much box as earl does, more, ‘cause bud is so inconsistent, and me, i’m always there.”

which was true. he was on time, all the time. “plus i arrange and compose.” and he would touch his thick glasses in a disarming gesture that belied the stern words he was declaiming. “i’m a grown man, max. a grown, married man. i got a wife, a woman, a life, a man. why are you second guessing me on who can drive and who can’t drive? why you treat me like a boy?”

it was such a drag, such a drag seeing youngsters straining to act so old. but you know, like richie was carrying a gorilla on his back. what with richie tickling the ivories and being the younger brother of earl bud powell, the reigning rachmaninoff of jazz piano. i bet you if my older brother played trumpet and was named dizzy, i would play bass or drums. but then again, being who i was, what choice did i have but to play what i played or else not play at all? no one chooses to be born who they are.

but anyway, max, max starts drinking to get drunk. and drinking and drinking. no even tasting the liquor, just pouring it in trying to kill the pain. richie’s gone. his wife was gone. i was gone. max is whipping himself like a cymbal on an uptempo “cherokee”—ta-tah, ta-tah, ta-tah-tah, tat tah! and newk, newk just disappeared, was up in his room, standing in the middle of the floor, going deep inside himself trying not to feel nothing.

max was in his room drinking and crying, crying and drinking. and newk, in a room above max, was silent as a mountain. i had to do something, so i played duets with newk all that night. all night. we played and we played. and we played. all night. i was willing to play as long as newk was willing and newk stayed willing all night. it was like he was a spirit too, but that comes from being a musician. when you’re really into the music you get used to going into the spirit world all the time and bringing the peoples with you. that’s the real joy of playing, leaving this plane and entering the spirit world.

 

as much as me and newk played that night, that’s how much max drank and cried. finally, i couldn’t take it no more and i had to appear to max. i stepped in the seam between worlds. i was like translucent. that was as close as i could come to having a body but i was solid enough for max to peep me, and i spoke… well not really spoke, kind of sounded inside max’s head while i was shimmering in the shadows of that gloomy hotel room. 

“max, it wasn’t your fault, man. you can’t live other people’s lives. you’ve got to sound your own life.”

i couldn’t find the words to tell max how it was. we all live. we all die. the force that people on earth call god, gives us all breath but also, sooner or later, takes that breath away. in time, god gets round to killing each of us. whatever we do in between, we do or don’t do.

and max starts bawling even louder, talking about how i was too good for this world, how my example helped all of them clean up their particular indisciples. he was moaning, you know, crying and talking all out his head at the same time. crying pain like a man cries when he’s really broke down.

if i had still been alive i would have hugged him but i was dead and that’s why he was crying. so finally, all i could do was tell him the truth. “hey, max, it’s alright, max. it’s alright. get yourself together and keep playing. i’m cool where i’m at. it’s alright!

the next morning, when they left, max and newk got in the car and didn’t say a word. for the rest of their lives they never talked to each other about that scene. we all have different ways of dealing with death, even those of us who are dead.

and there it is. life is always about decisions and consequences made within a given set of circumstances. you can’t change the past. you can’t foresee the future. all you have is the clay of today to shape your existence. no matter what particular condition you are in, you can only do what you can do. you can only go with the flow of where you are at, and work hard to blow the prettiest song you can conceive. that’s all any of us can do in however many choruses we get the chance to take while we’re alive.

besides, believe me, death ain’t no big thing. you get used to it, after a while.

 

—kalamu ya salaam


POEM + AUDIO: GHOSTS

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

 

 

GHOSTS

 

i have the smile of my great-grandmother seeing the end of slavery

& you have the hairline of an uncle/an aunt

who never pressed nor otherwise chemically altered their hair

 

only fools don't intimately know ghosts,

the dna of humanity, leaping like porpoises slick out of the sea

and back into our walks, our mannerisms, the way we giggle

when nervous, blush when aroused, or spit fire words

in sputtering ocher anger facing back the cannibalism of capitalism

 

ghosts are

just spirits fluttering angel breaths thru our corpuscles

the wing hum of hummingbirds motivating us to sound

snatches of remembered songs, lyrics formerly unheard

in this lifetime, psychicly transmuted across eras,

mali melodies maintained, aural treasures from our undying befores

 

face east young people, face east

imagine each line in your hand an ancestor

how well do you know the thoroughness of yesterday,

the arching influence of the previous century, the retrograde

of rationality, so slow compared to the velocity

of history smashing into the protons of personality

 

imagine, your voice is the texture of sun yat sen singing

a freedom song, your social erectness the reincarnate posture

of sitting bull standing barefoot his clear eyes kissing dark earth,

imagine, your breath the aroma of emiliano zapata biting the bullet

of revolution and spitting fire on the butts of robber barons

and dark-faced overseers who are the psychological sons

of simon legree in their twisted brutality towards their own people,

the defiance of your unsurrendering war stance could be ghana’s

yaa asantewa hurling up the west coast facing down british bullets

confident that the religion of resistance will always outlive

the technology of repression, you could be the heroics of history,

a phantasmagoria of sacred strugglers vivifying the surge

of timeless protoplasm that careens through your veins

and gives substance to the willfulness of your animated engagement

and confrontation of the omnivorous enemies of the planet earth

 

ghosts are

sacred illuminations coloring our stratagems and meditations,

they are the realization of sanity, the moment we truly understand

just how wicked the west actually is, the translucent

lights on the front porches of our spirits beckoning, guiding our

soft footsteps on the path, heading back homeward bound

dancing into the social circle of our collective selves

 

ghosts remind us

each individual is more than one, a communal hope chest

of ancient dreams actualized in the present

 

i believe in ghosts, i do

because i would be soulless matter otherwise

i would be some french rationalist trying to intellectually manufacture

& market the focus of life as the ego of thought, would be

some compassionless corporate ceo with spiritual arthritis

uninformed by the blessings of sharing, while pretending

that material possessions elevate morality as if you are what you own

rather than are what you do/be in relation to others and the world

 

ghosts

do not like vaults and crypts, nor fences and forts

real ghosts prefer sensitive personalities and wild open spaces,

every time we inhale a leaf shakes,

a tree or a weed offers us breath

give thanks to the flowers for our daily inhalations

 

i am not a mystic

but i know there are ghosts

in the fecund topsoil which progress

callously covers with concrete,

i understand the reality that dust and dirt are airborne bones

pulverized by time into tiny particles

 

a rose by any other name is still the collected essence

of our forebearers grown through the life cycle into a fragrant state

of petal soft beauty on a bud whose shape is nature's re-creation

of the vaginal portal, whose redness is an honoring

of feminine life force and the blood value of matriarchy

 

if you do not believe in ghosts

where do you think your spirit will be

when the corporeal temple of your familiar

crumbles into seemingly insignificant pebbles of peat, or

when your temporal sanctuary dehydrates

once disconnected from the moisturizing of life's cosmic juice,

when the way station of your flesh altar no longer receives offerings

& when you revert to what you were before your human being

was conceived and made flesh via the union of your parents,

won't you be a ghost then?

 

there are literally millions of lives in your little finger

 

the karma of colonialism will not be undone

not unless and until the ghosts that reside

in the hosts of color worldwide can find a culture

which resonates daily contentment,

 

there will be no end to the wandering search for the promised land

unless and until ghosts can live

inside the wholeness of beating hearts synchronized

in embracement, respecting the healing touch

of every manifestation of life no matter how small, obscure,

or ostensibly insignificant,

 

no calming the tempest,

no mediation of the disruption of our heritage

not unless and until ghosts can emigrate

into a peace filled community of souls such as we

ought to be, vessels of awareness, responsible in our openness

to offer wholesome residences for the motion flow

of history seeking future,

 

there will always be a wailing issuing out our mouths

unless and until ghosts can live and

comfortably reside, live, and rest inside, rest

in peace, rest in us

 

ghosts

 

peace

 

ghosts

 

rest

 

ghosts

 

in

 

ghosts

 

peace

 

ghosts

 

rest

 

ghosts

 

in

 

ghosts

 

us

 

 —kalamu ya salaam

 

______________________

 

 

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

 

Stephan Richter – bass clarinet

 

Wolfi Schlick – tenor & reeds

 

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

Roland HH Biswurm - drums

 

 

 

Recorded: May 31, 1998 – Munich, Germany

 

 

POEM + AUDIO: WHY I DON'T LEAVE THE APARTMENT UNTIL AFTER TEN SOME MORNINGS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Don't Leave The Apartment

Until After Ten Some Mornings 

 

i like to lay

in the curve

of your physique

 

you breathing

into the black

of my hair

 

the pressure

of thigh

to thigh

 

the beige softness

of your inner hand

slow moving

 

across

the tubular darkness

of my arousal

 

my

left arm reached

back massaging

 

the supple

flesh of your

lower back

 

for long minutes

quarter hours spent

with nothing

 

but skin

& pleasure

between us

 

—kalamu ya salaam

_____________________

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – reeds

Frank Bruckner – guitar

Mathis Mayer - cello

Georg Janker - bass

Michael Heilrath - bass

Roland HH Biswurm - drums

 

 

Recorded: June 14, 1998 – "ETA Theatre" Munich, Germany

POEM + AUDIO: I HAVE MY MOTHER'S HANDS

photo by Alex Lear 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i have my mother's hands

 

though cancer claimed 

my mother's body decades ago 

inola's reincarnation remains within me

a deeply treasured and unerring auditor—

an inquisitive, music loving child

with eyes wide bright and earth brown

whose trusting reach upthrusting 

to clasp a helping man's hand 

unclenches the maleness of my fist 

and continually causes my essence 

to cup the strength of masculine fingers 

into the soft of a flesh spoon

emulating and saluting the feminine 

gesture of giving unconditionally

 

—kalamu ya salaam

_________________

 

Music: "Reflections" by Thelonious Monk

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Frank Bruckner – guitar

 

 


 

Recorded: June 14, 1998 – "ETA Theatre" Munich, Germany

 

 

POEM + AUDIO: SNAPSHOT: DAWN IN DAR ES SALAAM

photo by Alex Lear

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

snapshot: dawn in dar es salaam

 

our intimacy is as subtle as the mottled shade of shell colors

on a warm basket of cayenne scented boiled crabs

or, more likely, the faint hint of spearmint tea

silently seeping while your attention is turned

to spreading the beige soft of cashew butter across

the crisp of one slice of toasted sourdough

which innocently rests near the dark

of seeded unsugared strawberry jam freshly smeared

atop the face of the bread's twin — quiet contentment

is morning within our colorful kitchen where we are

as gaily nude as the golden gleam of early light

streaming through our window diagonally impressing

a translucent tattoo onto both the half sphere of your breast

& the upraised arm of my hand reaching to caress

 

—kalamu ya salaam

_________________

 

Music: "Reflections" by Thelonious Monk

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Frank Bruckner – guitar


Recorded: June 14, 1998 – "ETA Theatre" Munich, Germany