POEM: BENEATH THE BRIDGE

photo by Alex Lear

 

Beneath the bridge

(A 2006 eulogy for North Claiborne Avenue

from Canal Street down to Elysian Fields)

 

beneath the bridge on claiborne avenue, there,

 

where the mardi gras indians used to go and offer up their colorful vows to never bow down as they trodded around mean streets, freely treating our eyeballs to the most prettiest, feathered, multi-hued suits that any man could ever hope to sew and wear in any given lifetime, they hollered the chants of saints, their eyes burning with the fire of the guardians of the flame sounding out sacred syllables in a language without name, words whose meanings we could not specify but whose dynamic intentions none of us could deny;

 

where once tall oaks grew spreading magnificent branches that embraced whole families of revelers joyfully enjoying a home-cooked holiday brunch, iron horseshoes clanging as poppa p threw a dead ringer and junior dug a serving spoon into aunt juanita’s mustard-colored potato salad while ambrose sat with his latest girl friend snuggling in his lap, lying through his gold-capped teeth about how much money he won betting on the ponies last week and how he was paying for this whole spread out of just a small portion of the purse he achieved when he selected a horse whose number was the same as this girlfriend’s birth date or was it the thirty-something double digit that was both her bust and her butt tape measurement?;

 

where the concrete construction of a federal expressway created a sound-box that high school bands rolled through inter-threading the ebony thighs of teenage girls with aural ribbons of raucous marching music played with a buck-jump beat the song’s composer never intended or imagined, shouted out with an upful, youthful swagger whose chocolate sweetness was so deep that all you could do was smile, and smile as the parade provided a sonic prescription for whatever ailed you;

 

where along either side of the street used to thrive haberdasheries (which offered everything worth wearing, from congressional sky pieces to tailored peg-legged pants dyed a diversity of tints & shades selected from a rainbow of pigments that made technicolor seem dull, not to mention stacy adams shoes whose shine was so gleaming you did not need a mirror);

 

where doctor’s offices and pharmacies, grocery stores and mortuaries, flower shoppes and butcher stalls testified to the industriness of an urban community still shaking country dust off its boots, run right up next to passé-blanc dynasties that had been resident in these homes since the slavery time placages that produced their pale-skinned lineages;

 

where houston’s school of music was on one side and the negro musicians’ union was on the other, and barbershops and hair salons hosted weekly informal town hall meetings at which every manner of contemporary problem was advised and analyzed in betwixt the salacious shoo-shoo of who did what to whom and why;

 

where a veritable smorgasbord of eateries such as levatas seafood which specialized in chilled half-shelf oysters deftly shucked as you stood at the rail exchanging mirthful curses with a man whose one good eye could unerringly spy the seam in a tightly sealed oyster’s shell, and the lemon juice squeezed and rubbed onto working hands to eradicate the smell of sucking on and swallowing warm crawfish washed down with quarts of cold beer, or the two huge italians that had a grill called pennies where the sizzling hot sausage was so good, so hot the cap never had to come off the tobasco bottle, and the french bread was fresh and the lettuce crisp and the tomatoes so sweet you lifted a slice and slid it into your mouth grinning in delight at the wonderfully tart taste bursting forth, alerting your salivary glands to the poboy treat shortly to follow;

 

where music factories called nightclubs and music emporiums better known as joints like the fabled club 77 at which the sunday night sets lasted til monday morning wherefrom some patrons would head straight to work without seeing their homes which they had left on saturday not to return until late after-work on monday where upon one fell out totally oblivious to anything until tuesday morning, hang-outs and haunts in which a young man feeling himself saw a fine woman from the rear, figuring that was all he needed to know, rushed over to her, tapped her on the shoulder and was semi-shocked to see, when she turned around, that this fox was his twelfth grade teacher, and though clearly a bit embarrassed, neither of them was really surprised that the other was there;

 

where protest marches and marcus garvey celebrations, spring festival carriage and limousine parades with little freckled-faced future creole queens shyly waved a gloved hand at ruffians with holes in their pants as their manhood throbbed at the thought of knocking the little man out of those young girl’s boats;

 

where tambourines fanned us, sudan regaled us, and the avenue steppers showed how our feet would not fail us as long as we stuck one to the other high stepping and kicking them up, all up and down the way with everyone on the one and yet at the very same time each and all of us, the young, old, short and tall of us, exactly and precisely doin’ what we wanna and only what we wanna;

 

where fleets of second-liners have carried so many of us off to the great beyond in ceremonies during which coffins were sat on bars and shots of scotch were poured atop the casket, a libational commemoration of another man who done gone to glory or how the unforgettably gorgeous sight of a mother dancing atop the box that held the remains of her son was a socially sanctioned and totally acceptable way to both memorialize a life as well as say her last goodbyes accompanied by the bravado of some young dimple-cheeked trumpeter dueling with an elegant grey-bearded cornetist, the both of them trying to out blow the other, one could have been named Joshua and the other might have been called Gabriel, as their brass notes rang out the strains of i’ll fly away, oh lordy, i’ll fly…;

 

there, where a once proud avenue is now nothing but a site of sadness, a cemetery for the rusted corpses of flooded cars covered only in the flimsiest scrim of katrina dust caked on like filthy rings in the toilet bowl of a superdome bathroom;

 

there, beneath the bridge, on north claiborne avenue.

 

—kalamu ya salaam

 

POEM: SHARING IS HEREDITARY

Sharing is hereditary

 

my four foot-eleven mother was world wise yet unburdened

by the cloying cynicism sophistication so often suggests

she projected a generous spirit adeptly balancing gifting

and keeping her nose out of other people's greed, and

equally, my burly country bred father taught us

the eternal lesson: regardless of how you looked

or what others thought, there was no wrong in doing right

 

the curatorial joy of their prescient caring shaped three

strapping sons who continue to strive to match inola's

exalted social statue and to embody big val's prophetic

folk wisdom, our parents offered the treasury of themselves

and thereby ushered our entrance into the sanctuary

of responsive and responsible manhood wherein we fulfill

ourselves by emptying our hearts into the life cups of others

 

_____________________

 

Kalamu ya Salaam – vocals

Stephan Richter – clarinet

Wolfi Schlick – reeds

Frank Bruckner – guitar

Mathis Mayer - cello

Georg Janker - bass

Michael Heilrath - bass

Roland HH Biswurm - drums

 

 

Recorded: June 14, 1998 – "ETA Theatre" Munich, Germany

 

 

—kalamu ya salaam

POEM: TIME IS A FUNNY THING

photo by Alex Lear

 

time is a funny thing

 

there have been times when i found myself with literally nothing i could do like when i would sit at a stop sign for what seemed hours trying to figure out how to straighten out the mess i'd made of my marriage, tayari alone with our five young people & me alone at a stop sign, & eventually i just crawled on--it's not like i was the only man who had ever stumbled at that specific crossroads but when i was there the sun shone all night & i saw no one's shadow but my own forlorn form tangled in the rocks & weeds of my emotional life, & although then was years ago, occasionally i am still shook by an invisible hand, it could be when i pause in mid-embrace as i hold a comrade from back in the days i haven't seen in quite a while & they hurl me into a time machine when they innocently ask with a sincerity so certain "how are tayari & the kids, they must be grown now?"

 

 

there have been times when i felt i was drawing my last breath & about to bankrupt the bank, especially that sunday morning we went to face down the klan & the night before those hooded ones goose-stepping around garish flame cross light had shot at police in algiers without being arrested which we knew meant targets were pinned on all our chests but we had to go to high noon, such poot or get off the pot days give men & women no choice, & then there was the helpless waiting to exhale of the pulse pounding pause on the unforgettable creaking bus stuck to a motionless stop like a lamb patiently awaiting a slaughter somewhere in the middle of nica. libre between rama and managua, the u.s. armed contras on the other side of the hill, hard working people softly mumbling spanish prayers & attempting to hide anything that might call attention to themselves at the bottom a half mile or so from the peak & no sandanista soldier rescuing cavalry anywhere in sight, & me frankly more worried about the photos & taped interviews i might loose than about whether i would die & yet at the same time after having heard gunfire in the nights i was acutely aware, as fred sanford was fond of seriously joking, that this could be the big one, the one where the bullet singes your skin without a so much as an excuse me

 

there have been times i paused to count the endless ripples on a lake, to note the shape of each leaf on a tree so tall my myopic eyes could not clearly see the top, to merge my being with the azure luminosity of a spring sky, raise my closed eyes to sun warmth & be clearly seen by any passerby as i stand swaying in the breeze mindlessly enjoying the great goodness of nature's beauty

 

there have been times i have been so harried with details & overwhelmed by minutiae i must have looked like rockerfeller's accountant around tax time, dragging myself home mentally exhausted, nia reminds me i started to snore during the month we crammed in a half year's worth of work within six weeks when we did the jazzfest posters in 1993 & have not been able since to shake that sleeping disorder

 

there have been times i've shared with people events which are now noted in history, our names engraved into the consciousness of both friends & foes so audacious was our doing, we were the flesh levers which moved social mountains, the meaningful moments whose significance sometimes can only be read in hindsight because at the time we were just going with the flow doing what we did & such doing just seemed as right as warm rain & inevitable as darkness following sundown

 

there have been times when i have made statements so stupid there must have been a poltergeist in my mouth misguiding my tongue, i remember one utterance & each time i remember the cruelty of those words i pause & apologize, a friend was going for her phd at the same time she was dating this man she hoped to make her husband, a hope most of us recognized as a longer shot that a three legged horse beating secretariat in a derby run, but still she was proud of both & in one twisted indiscreet swoop i flung assassin words across a room: "yeah, then"--meaning when she got her phd--"then, you can buy a husband," oh the demons of disorder danced that night i'm sure, my only consolation is that i have not unconsciously done anything as callous as that since, & though i know each of us has been awarded an asshole of the month award for some act whose erasure is fervently desired, knowledge of others fucking up does nothing to dim the blemishes on the resume of my own heart

 

likewise, there have been times when i've made my ancestors proud, particularly my enslaved african ancestors who courageously & creatively figured ways to squeeze banquets from mustard seeds, times i've proved to be worthy of the sacrifices, guidance, love & understanding showered on me by the union of degreeless first black lab tech at va hospital-new orleans, big val ferdinand, whom friends lovingly called "ferd" with the preacher's daughter, quintessential third grade school teacher, inola, my physical & spiritual earth parents, & most significantly times i've caused a child, i've both fathered & inspired, to stick their chest out or cry joy tears to know that their flesh was connected to mine

 

but that's the way of the world, one day the weight of my big body will be light as dust, blood gone to rain, spirit gone to ghost, then the meaning of my life will be only in the quality & effects of what i did while traveling through, what creations i birthed, what constructs i destroyed or transformed, i will be measured by what i have meant to others & to the overall health of the earth, those nodes are not just mine but indeed are the arc of each generation & every individual, no matter how each of us consumes our time allotment, chewing cautiously deep in rational thought or wolfing the chow down, savoring the taste of each moment or swallowing several mouthfuls as swiftly as we can, fasting or being gluttonous, focused or totally random, the reality is our matter is only a mere morsel in the mouth of galactic motion, what does the sun care what we do with our little piece so small, so overall futile a wrestling with fate & destiny attempting to shape something significant from the brief ticket we purchase in this crazy lottery of living, only people care & that is the sole true way to identify one's humanness, do we care about being here & care about everyone & everything we encounter in time

 

time is such a funny thing, whether you think about it or not, whether exciting as tongue kissing an exquisite taboo or boring as olive drab painting of army equipment for the 300th repetition, regardless of what we don't or do, the funny thing is that time is a changing that is constantly the same, is both totally silly & movingly profound, is the depth of blue & the velocity of red, the density of black, the blankness of white & the spectrum scale of all the grays in between, no matter how big a ripple we cause plopping into the cosmic pond eventually the lake's face recomposes into smooth placidity, whether we spill piss or perfume, deposit tears or blood, no matter, the planet receives them all just the same because in the end, just as in the beginning, they all & we all, everything big, little, short & tall, equally slip right on away, ain't if funny?

 

—kalamu ya salaam

 

POEM: SOON ONE MORNING, I'LL FLY AWAY

photo by Alex Lear

 

Soon One Morning, I'll Fly Away

 

Where does heart rest, breath originate

where is buried afterbirth, what world is flavored

with the sweetness of mother milk, spiced by a jigger

of father essence unmercifully purifying, trellissed

by the communal touch of kind and kin heat tough

as the sun spear of cloudless august noon

 

While we trod life's tribulation bridge and seek to craft

some small sweet space from the loam of this bitter earth

whether in shit storm or sun shade there is but one certain

fuel to animate our keeping on, and that be our deep

belief tear-crystal clear, regardless of which exploiter

we labor beneath, the end of our existence is that we black

 

Weary travelers, being not from here, must death rise & return

to the spirit space wherein we dwelled before we were birthed

 

—kalamu ya salaam

POEM: FOR LIFE / FOR MAISHA

photo by Alex Lear

 

FOR LIFE / FOR MAISHA

(my advice to my niece)

 

i love

you & have

nothing but encouragement

for yr life in my missive to you,

yr life, not mine, what you see & be,

how you shape yr space & escape

from the restrictions earlier generations

have created, over their walls

into the wilderness yes, but free

free, & that's the real, to be free

to be everything or nothing like

what has been artifically erected

by those who want young people

to be old images, regurgitated thoughts,

& rather stupendously stupid

reincarnations of realities

this world would have been

oh so much better off without

such twisted combinations

 

you know

& i know you may not know

where you're going to

but you know

you're never going back to

those bruising and battering befores,

those false images of stability enforced by fists or

incapacitating  inhibitions

& above all, never back to pick up on

all that emotional baggage

standing on every corner

of the small town called crescent city

 


it is so difficult to be young in this old world

so strange, so frustrating trying to find community

when every individual thinks

they are a king or a queen

or for sure that you should be their slave or knave

co-dependent or some other

reduction ad absurdum

 

there are firing squads outside,

paddy rollers in the woods

ghosts riders in the sky

& a million good reasons to stay

holed up inside, be careful but don't be afraid

even if you can't find the key to the combination

at least climb out the window and keep going

the only way to be really free is to never surrender

 

so that's it, this letter is to let you know

not everybody back here wants you back

as a little brown girl

reliving what never happened anyway

except as some male orchestrated fantasy

& i guess that is the essence

—since life is real and finite—

if you are going to be somebody's fantasy

you might as well live & be yr own dreams

regardless of the cost or

how you may loose yr way sometimes,

live & be, live yr dreams & be yrself

however difficult or confusing it may be to discover

yr life lived to the fullest is the best & only

value you can give to a world already overflowing

with frightened and repressed children dressed up

in adult years, live & be maisha, live & be

yrself

 

—kalamu ya salaam

POEM: LONELY WOMAN

photo by Alex Lear

 

LONELY WOMAN 

 

to be thot by the world as nonattractive

is so cruel a twist of birth

to be told yr weight is too much or not

enuf, yr face shape "ah... well, unique"

 

not to look like tv & cable

not to walk like magazines

not to smell like designed aromas

is so much

the way life really is

 

despite tons of pretty people

crisscrossing this century

beauty remains a rare thing, as rare as

infant eyes in an adult head

 

somewhere after high

school (& a prom nite that shouldda been my first

abortion) u wonder: is there any

            one

            in this whole wide

            kaleidoscope who can truly, truly...

 

            what i mean by "truly" is

            be sincere in feeling, &

understand how that mustard spot spilt

            on my blouse may be several days old

            but i'm not a filthy person, yes

            a bit uncaring abt neatness but you

            could eat off the floor in my kitchen...

                        (that's a joke...)

            i don't have any chairs in my kitchen

            & sometimes when i come in late at night

            i sit on the floor & eat chinese in the semi-dark

            ha-ha, ...

 

love excites me & loveless sex turns me off

is that confusing? like a lake

at high tide i totally open

myself to someone i love & if i don't

i only want him to hurry up & be over

although i never kiss & never tell

them that--we all know

there is such a thing

as too much reality

 

but if i could find a man somewhat

like my cat, i could touch him & talk to him

tell all, focus on sanity

& share slices of apple & my dimpleless

smile, the strange odor of my hair when its

wet by the silver rain i've walked into

to forget the dryness of days

 

at work they train me in congeniality

show me how to smile at strangers

with money in their hands

my mother told me never to do that

if you saw my chronology

you would look at my finger

nails and shake your head

the bitten edges confirmation

that loneliness is

a compulsive eating disorder &

what i do with my hands

a blues connotation

 

did i mention i'm black?

well dark brown really (smile...)

& female once a menses,

i'm ramblin' aren't i?

 

on a job application

for a position i never got

i once put down "ornette coleman"

as kin to notify because of that song

he made: "lonely woman"

 

i'm sure he stole those sound-tears

from someone he had hurt, made cry--

cause

            no man

            has ever

            really felt

            like that

 

—kalamu ya salaam